Fear

Here's the gist of it for me.

There is fear. I feel it. I think a lot of people do.

Here's how I've been dealing:

• I try to remember to breathe. (I get the irony there, but still ...)
• I try to focus on things about which I can do something. 
• I try to let go of things about which I can do nothing. 
• I sit in every moment, as much as possible, and relish the feeling of whatever it is I am doing. 
  • If I'm napping on the couch with Kim, I give my self entirely to the feeling, the warmth, the love. I drink in the experience. 
  • If I'm making corn bread, I measure each ingredient and notice how each element feels and weight. I make corn bread. I do that to the exclusion of everything else.
  • To steal outright from Thich Nhat Hanh, if I'm washing dishes, I wash dishes. 
• I am taking a scheduled and metered approach to the day. 
  • Wake (I'm giving myself more time to rest during this.)
  • Meditate (Simple breath counting meditation. Nothing more, nothing less.)
  • Read headlines only. NYT daily briefing. (I'm in my house sequestered. I can do nothing about anything outside of the curtilage of this property. After this is over, or at least under some form of control, I'll deep dive into the whys and such, but for now. It's a near media blackout.)
  • Breakfast (I'm taking time to cook and prepare meals. I'm eating them with Kim. We're cleaning surfaces 15/20 times a day.)
  • Move (Yoga, walk. I'm moving the body every day.)
  • Meditation (Simple mindfulness check in. Breath counting, mantra saying, something to calm the mind and steady the rumination.)
  • Work (I'm diving into work today with criminal defense work. I'm going to take this chance to dig deep into work that should get this degree of attention every time, but doesn't.)
  • Lunch (Kim and I are taking time to cook and prepare meals. ....)
  • Meditation (Short study of meditation texts.)
  • Work (Storyboard, our parent company, is a 100% online business. We offer a variety of online education offerings for professionals. We moved the entire mobile kit to our house. We'll produce videos and podcasts, and courses.)
  • Socialize (Three nights a week, we're hosting virtual cocktail hours. Zoom.) 
  • Supper (We've always cooked at home a lot, but this is next level. Homemade - everything.)
  • Entertainment (Netflix is getting abused. Likewise, Amazon Prime Video, and Hulu. I'm also trying to read more. But the point is I'm socially distancing myself from news to keep my mind in the correct place. I'm also trying to be aware of the entertainment I consume right now. I need good vibe things, not violence and destruction. That's just me.)
  • Meditation (A nighttime ritual of being in the moment and noticing the comfort of home, the comfort of my bed, the steady rhythmic breath. I have an intention of letting this final meditation of the day gently morph into sleep, pure and safe.)
  • Sleep (This one, for me, is one of the most difficult. I've found myself ruminating as I try to drift off to sleep. "Is that the beginning of a sore throat? Is that the start of a headache? Am I ...? Is that ...?" Limiting the negative input seems to help. Last night was better than the night before. I have a notion that as the mindfulness practice takes seat in my mind, this will become easier and easier.)

And this is my personal approach to maintaining some semblance of normalcy. If there's even a slight bit of this that helps you wrangle your mental chaos and gain even a moment of peace, then great. I have certainly enjoyed the time here writing. Fingers on the keyboard. Mind in this space. Thinking of special people as I pen this. I've been here, doing this, and that's not a bad few moments.